I don’t write anymore. I’m feeling like I’m having an outer body experience.
Im so angery and alone. Everyday fighting the fight.
Do I love you because I truly love you, or do I love you because I can’t have you? My head is spinning with all of the possibilities. I know I truly care for you, however I don’t know how to get you to understand that. Sometimes I actually think I could be good for you, and other time I think loving me might destroy you and me. You’re the one thing that makes me regret being in this wheelchair, but if it wasn’t for the wheelchair we would have never met.
You never really know what is truly going on with another person, the words you say can have a lasting effect without you even meaning to. The funny thing about a person in that there were more likely to believe a negative about themselves, than a positive. I’m sure with my sometimes negative attitude, I probably done more harm to people that I truly know; and the same is true in reverse. I am determined that the negativity that is inside of me will no longer defined me.
I believe some of my negativity maybe genetic. I’m not saying it’s my parents entire fault; what I am saying is that sometimes genetics hands you a pretty shitty hand. That being said they are entirely my feelings and I have to learn to control them and will come out of my mouth.
In a lot of ways people or sort of like computers eventually they learn higher functionality and their own programming, but before they can learn to reprogram themselves, they first must understand their pre programming which is their DNA.