How People View The Disabled

I feel as a person with a disability who needs a lot of care, I find it impossible to have anything that resemble a social life. My beautiful mind is trapped inside a body that does not work very well. The guys that I have had feeling for I am quite sure that most of them did not even know I was even alive. The few that I had the guts to tell them to their face how I felt got down right angry and nasty. Like I was something totally disgusting and beneath their feet. I feel like I have so much to offer the world, but no one seems to want to find out what I am offering. If people could just get what I look like, or what they think a person with a disability should be. I think I am very funny and charming. Admitting my conversation skills could probably use some perfecting, because I am around PCA’s all day. Though when I am out in public I tried to make conversations with strangers, so I can try to make a connection with someone outside of my little bubble. My life feel very suffocating, because I always have somebody around me almost all the time. When I am out with my caregiver it is like I become invisible, even when they want to ask me a question they will ask the caregiver the question and wait for her to translate the Quest allion. Do these people really that people with disabilities have our own language?

I hate when able body people tell me the best way to live life with my disability. Those know it all people never had to explain to someone they really like about weird startle reflex, or my personal favorite to explain to a guy I like is that I am 32 and I wear depends. That kind of stuff is a mood killer for sure. Sometimes when I sit too close to another person my arm can spontaneously extend, which has led to some pretty awkward conversations with total strangers; not exactly the best first impression. Just the fact that people are gawking at me when I am out with someone can be very unsettling for the other person. I am so used to people looking at me when I go somewhere that I don’t even notice people doing it anymore.

The most frustrating thing for me is that I have a very outgoing personality that not a whole lot of people get to see, because most men will give me the time day. I believe that my personality was transplanted into a completely different body. If that were to happen my social calendar would be full and I would be the life of the party. I know for myself that am a wonderful light hearted person, I just wish more people knew it too. Even though we say things like don’t judge a book by its cover, we can’t help but to do it anyway. Even I am guilty of this at time, after all I am only human. I too misjudged the things I did not understand at first. I understand why people feel the way they do when they first meet me: I just wish they would give me a chance to challenge their pre-conceived notions about the disabled.

You also have those people that think that I am a saint, just because I am a disabled person in a wheelchair. I cannot stand the way my doctor looks at me; she looks at me like I am an angel with a halo that is going to grow wings any day now. Like I could do anything wrong. The people that think that disabled people could never think about sex. My mom always has an unrealistic expectations about me being a perfect being. She would allow my brothers and sister to say any profanity they wanted, but if I did I got into so much trouble.

The right to die

What do you think that the right to die with dignity act? The right to die with dignity give people the right to die if they have a chronic illness; the only catch is you have to be able to give the medications to yourself. How do you feel about this; would you ever consider moving to a state where this is legal? I have thought about it.

My aching hip

I’ve been having trouble with my hips, since as far back as I can remember.  Lately my left hip had been bothering me.  I first thought that it was just a displaced floater, because when I would get my brief changed I would be a lot pain when my knee externally rotated.  I start to worry after about three weeks, because the problems usually corrects itself, but not this time.  I went to my family physician and she put me on naproxen and a Flexeril, but I still wanted to get checked out by an orthopedic doctor.Looks like there is nothing too seriously wrong with my hip, just a pain in the ass floater as usual.  I’m happy to say that medication seems to be working, I’ve never been so happy to hear popping in my leg.

I need some advice

Okay, I’ve been crushing on this guy on and off for a while now.  Some times I think he liked me because he makes these random comments about how he is single.  I feel like he purposely started an argument for no reason at all.  I’m the last person that thinks a guy will be interested in me at all; maybe this is all in my head.  If it is than I look like a complete jackass.

I feel really good about myself

I feel really good about myself, because with I am able to make a little extra money on my own.  It will never be enough to pay my rent, but I still feel pretty good about it.  I hope eventually I can save up for a new computer, because this one is always crashing.  I feel much more productive now that I am earning some money on my own.

Why are bad things so appealing?

The funny thing is what is appealing to us often isn’t good for us.  Like most women would rather have a cocky bad boy, than a stable dependable guy.  I always want the unattainable guy; I almost never like guys who like me back.  Here’s something some of you might have a hard time grasping; I would never date somebody in a wheelchair.  I got enough difficulties dealing with my own disability, I don’t want to deal with somebody else’s.