Vampire Quest (the quest continues)

Today I will attempt to write the second part of Vampire Quest.  I think I will have Deimos and Alexandria team up to help each other on their own independent quest.  I don’t think Deimos is going to like this one bit.

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Making a mistake is a part of life

Making mistakes in life’s learning process.  We all make total asses of ourselves but is all part in this thing called life.  If we had the knowledge we have now we would’ve handled things more gracefully, but sometimes acquiring knowledge is a painful, but necessary process.  We cannot travel paths create for other people, we must find our own pacific path.  We need to stop passing judgment about how others move through their journey, and concentrate on our own journey.

Somedays it is a struggle to find a will to live

I try to be as possible, but I always have this negative voice in the back of my mind telling me I would be better off dead. Sometimes I long to be home and by home I mean heaven. I am always particularly melancholy around this time of year, because February will be 19 years of my brother John’s death; John committed suicide when he was 17. I feel partly responsible for his death, because I knew how unhappy it was with life, but I just then he would suck it up and deal with it like the rest of us. After he died I remember being jealous because he had the courage to do what I could not do, which is end my own suffering. No matter how much I hate this life at times, I cannot against God’s will.
My brother John and I would constantly argue about the existence of God. This is when I believe in more of a traditional religion, like Christianity. I am grateful to tell you that my Outlook had greatly improved, however in the back of my mind I have doubts about whether I am worthy of anything positive. I still believe that suicide is not the answer, because life is forever changing, as long as you have breath you have a chance to make it wonderful.